DATING ADVICE FROM THE ARMED LIBERAL (Armed Liberal)

DATING ADVICE FROM THE ARMED LIBERAL

So Tenacious G (my sweetie) and I went out for our pre-Valentines Day dinner last night. We have the boys Friday, and itll be a zoo everywhere, so we went to our favorite neighborhood bistro and had a nice dinner together.

Which was slightly spoiled by the conversation at the next table. Im usually pretty good at filtering, and too polite to acknowledge that Im eavesdropping (or reading your mail upside down on your desk), but this was just too much, in every sense of the word.

It was a first date. He was (from the conversation) about my age, but overweight, balding, and with a sunlamp tan and a ponytaila combination that I cant imagine the ladies could resist. Im commenting on his physical attributes (actually more his presentation of them) because they meshed so well with the personality that he displayed at dinner.

I kept one eye on my watch for a bit and at one point he talked over three minutes without stopping. I think she said about ten words in the entire hour and a half that we were there, and the conversation from their table never stopped.

They (he, actually) discussed Iraq. Hes against it, but he would have gone to Canada if his lottery number had come up during Vietnam and would personally drive his son to Canada today (in his Ferrari) if he was in any danger of serving in the military. We cant invade Iraq, he explained, because we havent defeated Al Quieda, and we havent made a settlement between the Israelis and Palestinians. Once we do those things, hed be open to considering it if it was OK with the U.N.

I have a discussion on his points over at Winds of Change.

He discussed work. Hes apparently a prosecutor, and he discussed how unfair the laws that he is sworn to enforce are, and how he practices his own form of jury nullification on cases that he thinks are just unfair.

He discussed (at painful length) his divorce, his lack of a relationship with his children, and his dysfunctional dating history.

He discussed his cars (a 70s Ferrari, a 60s Porsche, and a new BMW).

He discussed dancing, and the kind of music he likes. He went on a long riff about the sensuality of just moving your body to musici.e. he dances like a white guy.

So in 90 minutes, he did a kind of miniature Biography Channel special on himself.

There are so many problems here

Look, Ive never been a playa, but Ive certainly dated a bunch (TG would say more than a bunch) and met a bunch of neat women (even married a couple). Ive given some dating advice to my sons and to my more relationship-challenged friends (male and female, showing that theyll take advice from anybody). But it was all I could do not to turn around in my chair last night and go Stop. Stop now. Ask her something about herself, and let her complete her answer. Explore her interests. Hand her the keys to the conversation, because believe me at the rate this is going you arent going to be getting any tonight.

So let me offer some dating advice to my fellow middle-aged divorced guys:

Shut the fuck up.

Dont try and sell yourself, its boring and ineffective. Help her sell herself, and in doing so youll sell yourself far more effectively than you could otherwise.

Dont inventory your possessions, inventory your passions.

Dont recount, in real-time, the story of your failed prior relationships.

Dont talk down your exes.

Basically, dont assume that youre the only interesting person in the room.

And lose the damn ponytail.

Posted on February 12, 2003 11:50 AM | Permalink

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Comments (33)

Anonymous:

AUTHOR: Lee Little Wing

EMAIL: pamela_woodlake@yahoo.com

IP: 62.213.67.122

URL:

DATE: 01/20/2004 01:55:59 AM

If you understand, things are as they are. If you do not understand, things are as they are.

Armed Liberal